When two become three

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After two weeks of zero contact with Concettina she surprisingly came to see me. She said she had something very important to say.?
When she arrived she looked very serious: “Last week I didn’t menstruate,” she said. ?I asked to be excused a minute and went into my bedroom. I googled “menstruate” on my pc, read it, then came back, so she could continue.?
“Anyway,” she continued, “I went to the pharmacy this morning to buy a pregnancy test... and I did the test.”

High anxiety

Conci looked at the floor. The suspense was killing me.?“What was the result?” I asked.?“It was positive” she replied.? “Aah! So, you’re not pregnant!” I said. “Yes, I am, you idiot! Positive isn’t an opinion! It indicates that I am pregnant!”?
We sat in silence for some time. Then I said: “Conci, I don’t know what you will think about this, but I am actually quite happy.”? She smiled immediately and hugged me. “Really?” she said.?
When she hugged me again, I understood that I had missed her very much.? “So, what about the sex?” I asked. ?“My God, John!” she shouted, “we’ve only been back together 45 seconds, be patient, please!”
?“No!” I said, “I’m talking about the sex of the baby! Is it a boy or a girl?” ?Concettina laughed: “It’s a little early to know that, darling!”

Celebration

To celebrate the good news we ordered pizza.? Pregnant women and Englishmen have something in common. We order very similar types of pizza.? I had a tuna fish and pineapple pizza and Conci had melon and chocolate.? We ate in silence, both of us dreaming our dreams.

Keeping a secret

If you live in Milan and you didn’t receive a telephone call from Concettina announcing her pregnancy, then you are one of the very, very few. ?My mother instantly asked me when we were going to get married.?
“She’s right, we should marry,” I decided.? I called Conci and asked her to meet me at her favourite restaurant. ?After the grappa at the end of the meal I asked her to marry me:? “Why do you want to marry me?” she asked.?
“Well, because I love you and now we’re having a baby!”

Not so fast!

Conci looked confused: “Wait a minute! Who told you that you are the father?”? “What?! You mean, there was another man?”? “We weren’t together, John! I was lonely!” ?“It was two weeks!” I shouted.
I saw that the people around us were listening intently, so I decided to be a hero.? “Conci, I love you anyway, so, if it’s OK, I want us to marry anyway.”? Conci embraced me hard. That was her answer.

Enter Dave

Back at the apartment I needed to talk to Dave.?“Conci is pregnant!” I announced.? Dave started to panic! “Did... did she tell you who the father is?” He asked.
He seemed so agitated!? “Well, how did you know it is someone else?!” I asked.? “Anyway, we are going to get married!” ?“I have to go!” Dave shouted and ran out the room.
Now I am not stupid, and I know Dave better than his mother and I know why he ran out the room so fast.? At this very moment he is out in the city buying us a gift for our wedding.?
My God, he’s so predictable, that man!

Glossary

I googled - ho cercato su Google
pregnancy test - test di gravidanza
hugged me - mi abbracciò
she shouted - gridò
laughed - rise
tuna fish and pineapple - tonno e ananas
I was lonely - mi sentivo sola
intently - attentamente, con interesse
to be a hero - fare l’eroe
a gift for our wedding - un regalo per il nostro matrimonio
predictable - prevedibile

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